I will never forget you
by SweetAsHoneyEvans
Summary: Kurt and Sam have been dating since leaving school and have been near inseparable until Sam gets drafted into the army. During Sam's tour Kurt sadly loses all of his memories, every single one. Come and see how these two lovers fight against all odds to get back to one another. This fic is based off a rp that myself and my friend Leigh are writing so the format may be different.
1. Chapter 1

A young man with short blonde hair glanced sadly across his livingroom at the bags which were already packed ready for him to go, he was being deployed in a couple of hours and would not be home for at least three years which killed him. He was going to miss Kurt but at the same time he was looking forward to his service, this was something he had wanted to do for a long time and it actually meant something. Kurt followed Sam's gaze towards the bags, his heart in his throat. He was going to miss his fiance. More than he was letting on. It was killing him to see Sam leave. He knew it would be a long time until he could see him. War wasn't exactly a place he could go visit. _"I love you," _he whispered softly.

Sam turned his head towards Kurt and sent him a soft smile. _"__I love you too, so much." _No matter how much he was looking forward to the life ahead of him it still hurt him to know that he was leaving Kurt behind, with nothing but a ring and some pictures to remember him by. He knew in his heart that one day they would be reunited but he also knew that they had some challenge's lying ahead of them which would test the very foundations of their relationship. "_You've got the address,"_ Kurt said quietly. _"And you've got Skype so I can see you."_ He was shocked at how well his voice was holding up. It seemed to be relatively normal. _"And you should be able to get to New York at Christmas, right?"_

The blonde nodded his head in confirmation and pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead. "_I'll write as often as I can,"_ he was probably going to run out of paper by the time he had finished with all of his letters. _"I'll be there, I'll make sure of it."_ He was quite surprised that by now he wasn't crying. Kurt looked up at him, his eyes full of tears. _"I'm so proud of you," _he whispered. _"But I want you to stay here."_Sam wrapped both of his arms around Kurt and held him close to his chest. _"I know baby, but think of about all of the good work that I shall be doing when I am out there. I am fighting for a better world for our children to one day grow up in."_ As much as Sam would love to stay there with Kurt he kept on reminding himself of all of the good that he will be doing when he goes.

Kurt nodded his head, small smile on his face. _"I know," _he said quietly, looking up at him. _"I can't believe you're doing this. In a good way of course."_ He played with the dog tags around his neck, Sam's of course. He had conveniently "lost" his a few weeks ago. _"You're a wonderful man, love."_He smiled as he held Kurt close, sometimes he could not believe it either. He never thought he would ever do anything worthwhile but here he was, getting ready to go and fight in a war that may actually take his life. _"I love you, always remember that," _Sam brought Kurt's ring to his lips and kissed it.

Kurt cupped Sam's cheek with his hand. _"I know we don't have the paper or anything," _he said quietly. "But in my head you're already my husband." He leaned up and kissed Sam softly. _"I love you so much."_

_"As are you, when I come back we will have a proper wedding which will be as big as you always dreamed it would be."_ Sam leaned into the palm which layed on his cheek before glancing over at the clock and let out a sad sigh. One more hour and he had to leave. Kurt shook his head as he turned Sam's face back to his. _"You're mine for just a bit longer," _he whispered, voice just loud enough to be heard._ "Don't...just us, okay? Nothing else exists for now."_ Sam nodded his head, happy for the distraction and tightened his arms around Kurt, he pressed his face into the space which joined his face and neck and released a soft sigh as he enjoyed the moment, he did not want to think that this could possibly be the last chance they would get to hold one another like this. _"No matter what happens,"_ he said quietly._ "If this is the last time I see you or not, I love you Sam Evans." _He kissed his temple, tears finally starting to fall. _"I'm so proud of you. You're my hero, the love of my life...you're everything. And even if this is it for us...I've had the time of my life with you."_

Sam could not stop the tears which flowed freely down his face as he listened to Kurt's words, his man was amazing and the fact that they were going to be apart for so long was practically criminal._ "I love you so, so much. I wouldn't be able to do this if it wasn't for the strength that you have given me, you are my hero and I shall be forever grateful to you no matter what happens."_He couldn't hold back any longer. He let out a sob and moved as close to Sam as he could, his hands fisted in his shirt.

Sam pressed his face tighter into Kurt's neck and released a strangled sob into the tender skin. _"I am going to miss you so much."_ Kurt sighed and held his love even closer to his body. _"I don't want this to be the last time," _he admitted. It was the first time he had said anything like this. _"I want you here and I want rings and little ones running around and..."_

_"I wish I could promise you all of those things but I can't, I don't know what the future holds but there is one thing I need you to do for me Kurt. I need you to be strong, if something happens to me you need to move on. I want you to have all of those things you just mentioned, even if you can not have them with me."_

Kurt shook his head, not looking Sam in the eye. _"I want them with you. Not with someone else. I don't...I can't with someone else. It's you and me. One of the little ones will have your hair and smile and the other one will have my eyes. That's how it's meant to be."_The blonde placed his hand under Kurt's chin so that he could look him in the eye. _"Baby, I want all of those things with you but you know that there is a chance I may not come back. I love you more than anything but I need to know that you will be happy if I am not around, I don't want you to be alone."_

_"Don't say that! You're coming back!" _He pushed Sam away weakly, his strength all gone._ "If you say it then it's out there and it's going to happen and it'll be your fault."_ Sam sighed and released Kurt enough to see his face. _"Sweetheart, I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. This is just something that has been bugging me for a few days."_ He released Kurt completely and walked over to the sofa and sat down and put his head in his hands. _"I don't want to say it like there is a good possibility, but it is something we need to think about even though it is a rather morbid thought. I am going to war Kurt, there is a chance I won't be coming back so you need to accept it."_

Kurt looked at him, tears streaming down his face. _"You want me to accept that you couldn't come back," _he said after a few moments. _"If this was me, do you think you'd do it?" _He rubbed his hands over his eyes. _"This isn't...this isn't something that I can just accept and move on. It's hard enough to have you leaving. Letting myself know that this might be all I have with you? I can't do that."_

Sam sighed and scrubbed his eyes, of course he knew but knowing that Kurt would be looked after if something did happen to him made him feel less guilty about leaving Kurt all alone. _"I know, I know, I know." _The last I know was no more than a whisper as he allowed the pain that he was feeling to run through his entire body._ "I just...I just don't want you to get your hopes up I guess...if it was me in your situation I would probably never move on but I am not meant to say that." _Sam groaned in annoyance and scrubbed his face harder. _"I don't want the last hour we have together to be spent arguing, we are obviously not going to agree on this and I don't want to spoil my last moments with you."_ Kurt moved in front of Sam, kneeling down so he could look at his face. _"I love you,"_ he said quietly. _"We're going to have a million moments. You'll come back to me. I know it."_

He lifted his head up before wiping at his watery blue eyes._ "A million and one,"_ he laughed softly and nuzzled his nose against Kurt's. _"I love you too."_ In the distance he could hear the faint sounds of the clock ticking but paid it no mind, time did not exist in this lovely little bubble that he and Kurt had created together. It was like nothing could touch them. Kurt kissed him softly, almost like it was the first time in the choir room all over again. He tried to pour everything he felt into the kiss but knew he fell short. He could never put into words how much he loved him.

Sam allowed his eyes to close as he enjoyed the feeling of Kurt's soft lips pressed against his own. He was suddenly snapped out of his happy bubble when he heard the sound of the clock chime in the background signaling that their last hour was up. Sam lifted his head up so that his eyes could meet Kurt's. _"I have to go."_Kurt shook his head, kissing him once more. _"Not yet,"_ he said, crawling into Sam's lap.

Sam wrapped both of his arms around Kurt and just held him close. _"I wish I could stay like this forever." _He pressed his face into Kurt's hair and inhaled his sweet scent, he had always enjoyed how Kurt smelt even before they had gotten together when they were in school. It had been the first thing that he had noticed.

_"Then stay,"_ he said softly, arms tight around Sam. _"Stay here with me. I'll move back to Lima. I'll do anything." _He looked at Sam with tears in his eyes. _"Please, Sam."_Sam moved his head so that he could no longer meet Kurt's eyes. _"That's not fair Kurt. I want to, god I do but I also need to do this. If we don't do something now this war could __escalate__ and affect future generations, I need to do this."_

Kurt pressed their foreheads together, kissing him again._ "I love you,"_ he said again. Sam pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead._ "And I love you," _he glanced at the clock once more and released a quiet sigh, he needed to do this now or he would never leave. He gently lifted Kurt off of him and set him on the ground.

Kurt stayed on the ground, unable to move._ "Promise me,"_ he said softly. _"That you'll come back."_Sam glanced at Kurt and heaved a soft sigh. "_If I did then I would be lying and I swore to never lie to you."_Kurt closed his eyes, pulling his knees to his chest. _"Please lie to me," _he said softly.

Sam moved so that he was knelt in front of Kurt. _"I will come back, we will get married and have beautiful blonde haired children running all over the place. Everything is going to be okay__." _Kurt wrapped his arms around Sam's neck. _"Thank you,"_ he said quietly. _"Thank you so much."_

Sam pressed his lips to the crown of Kurt's head, the lie feeling bitter on his tongue but he could push that away if it made Kurt feel better. "_Baby, I need to go. I love you so,so__much and I will be thinkig about you every day."_

Kurt nodded his head, body starting to shake. _"I love you,"_ he said softly. _"Forever and a day."_Sam clamped his arms around Kurt's small frame for a second before pulling away and made his way towards the door, he grabbed his bags and slung them over his shoulder. When he was sure that he had everything he opened the door with his left hand and sent a smile towards Kurt before stepping out of the door and shut it behind him.

Kurt stayed where he was, not able to move to watch Sam leave. It wasn't until the door shut that he let himself fully break down. Sam leaned his back against the door for a few seconds and just allowed the tears to roll down his face. He did not stay there long as the temptation to go back in and hold Kurt forever was just too great. Sam ran out of the house and straight into the car that was waiting for him outside.."


	2. Chapter 2

Four years later:

Kurt was surprised at how well he was holding up with Sam gone. It had been almost a year and a half now, just enough time to get used to being without him. They had been able to see each other around the holidays and Kurt's birthday but besides that, only through a computer screen. There were boxes under his bed with Sam's letters, his own scanned into the computer. He planned on making a scrapbook of them when Sam got back. Something they could keep and remember. Without fail, he wrote to him everyday. It was something he did. He'd send him emails throughout the day of random thoughts, things he would text if he could. But the letters were about them, about his life, about the new apartment he had found for them in New York. It had gotten easier and easier to write them. At first it had been impossible. But now it was like he was just talking with him.

Kurt driving back from JFK should have been an easy trip. He was in the back of the taxi, typing up a new message to Sam. Neither him nor the driver saw the semi-truck start to swerve into their lane or the car behind them not paying attention. If you ask Kurt now, he'll tell you all he remembered was a bright like, screeching tires and then nothing. It had been one of the worst accidents the EMT's had ever seen. The taxi had been flattened by the truck, the driver not surviving. Kurt was in a medically induced coma for a week, having too many surgeries to recover from. But worse than the scars and recovery was what happened to his memories.

Kurt couldn't tell you what happened before his senior year of high school. The last thing he remembered fully was his NYADA audition. Back when he thought Sam was straight and living in another state. He didn't remember any of their relationship, their engagement. Rachel had been the only person who knew and she didn't want to tell Sam over the computer. Most of the doctors thought he would get his memory back within a few weeks, but it had been almost three years now. It wasn't coming back.

Kurt luckily had support around him. His father and Carole spent the three months with him in the hospital, Rachel visiting every weekend. The old Glee kids kept a rotation over who spent the weekends with him. He learned to walk again, but he could never really dance the same. He dropped out of NYADA, Isabelle instead taking him on full time. He's now a junior style editor at Vogue and he's thankful that she understands that even years later he gets tired or his knee that is held together with screws still hurts. The worst in his mind are the scars, two that run across his face and the countless others across his body. Both from the metal of the car door. He had been lucky neither one took his eye out. It made it hard to smile on his left side, as one scar runs from his forehead across his face to his chin. The other runs down his left cheek, stopping halfway down his neck. Six plastic surgeries later and they're still quite visible. He hates it. It's made him stay away from the dating scene. He's scared of what people think of him now.

Sam meanwhile had been busy at work, his tour had been much harder than he had originally anticipated and therefore his free time had been quickly decreased which had put a damper on his letters to Kurt over these last couple of months, he had noticed that his fiance's letters had dwindled drastically but chose to put that down to the fact that he knew Sam was very busy and he himself as far as Sam knew was quite busy. After a while the lack of letters did start to bother him as they had never really gone for such a length of time without communicating with one another, he had tried sending his own letters but each and every time they had returned unopened. At first he had been worried that for some reason Kurt might be mad at him but he could not even begin to think of what he could of done to deserve such an absence of letters.

Sam 's tour had just recently ended, he was looking forward to going home to Kurt and he hoped that his lover could forgive him for being away for so long but before he could even begin on the long and arduous journey some of his mates who had just finished their tour alongside him decided that they needed to have a night on the town. A chance for them to relax and unwind before trying to fix the pieces of their lives that they had left behind, at first Sam had not been that interested as he just wanted to get home but after a hour or so arguing with his friend Mitchel he agreed to go out just for a few drinks. The three men made their way into a local bar which was pretty busy to say it was only a Wednesday night, they each sat at a barstool and ordered some drinks which they all took gladly.

As Sam sat at the stool nursing his drink he could not stop himself from eavesdropping on the conversation that the men beside him was having, he had been away for a while and wanted to catch up on the local gossip. He was about to take another sip of his drink when he heard a part of the conversation that would be forever imprinted in his brain. "Did you hear about that lad what's his name Hummel, Kurt Hummel. Yea, the accident was pretty bad they say he can't remember anything poor lad it's always the young ones isn't it." Sam could not breath, he focused on the key words which were Kurt and accident. What accident? Why hadn't anyone told him, without thinking Sam shot out of his chair knocking it over in the progress and ran outside. He needed to get to Kurt, he needed to see that he was okay.

One year later: _Sam knows that Kurt does not remember him as Rachel found him and explained everything to him._

Sam slumped into his moth bitten sofa with a cup of fresh coffee in his hands, ever since he had moved to New York life hadn't been that great great for the blonde. His one and only love didn't even remember him, he had a crappy job working in a coffee shop down the road but at least it payed the bills and he hardly ever saw any of his friends because he was working all of the time. When Rachel told him that Kurt didn't remember a single thing about their relationship he had felt his entire world crumbling around him, he hadn't wanted to believe it at first. He didn't want to believe that something could tear him and Kurt apart like this but sadly it could and it sucked. He sighed and ran a single hand through his chin length blonde hair, he hadn't bothered to cut it in a few months. He just didn't see the point as the only real reason he ever cut it before was because Kurt had asked him to. He drained his cup and headed towards the sink so that he could wash it, his apartment was sparse at best. It was one bedroom with a tiny bathroom and a kitchenette, he had few belongings apart from the stuff that he had took with him.

Kurt walked out of the Vogue offices, talking with Rachel on the phone. She was talking about her newest boyfriend, a lawyer who just graduated from NYU Law. He was meeting them for a drink after he got changed. Rachel was already with Mark and he walked quickly back to his apartment. It was a big deal to get him out, now. His scars made him nervous. People always looked and it wasn't in the way he wanted. At his place, he changed into a pair of jeans and a McQueen shirt from work, making his way down to the bar.

After washing up his cup, Sam glanced at the clock and swore roughly. If he didn't hurry then he was going to be late for work, he quickly slipped into some black pants and his work shirt before glancing at himself in the mirror to make sure that he was presentable. People of both sexes still threw themselves at him but he just wasn't interested, he wanted Kurt and only Kurt so some floozy with her skirt too short wasn't going to change that. He raced out of his apartment, locking the door behind him and began to run to work. His manager wouldn't mind if he was late but he did not want it to on his record as he was hoping to get a premotion to make paying the bills just a bit easier.

Kurt pulled his jacket closer as he walked. It wasn't the best part of town but it wasn't a bad part. Everything was a little darker here and he was thankful. He kept his gaze down and didn't pay attention to the guy running out of the door. "Oh I'm so sorry," he said as he looked up. It couldn't..."Sam? Sam Evans?"

Sam felt the cold, bitter air entering his lungs as his feet smacked against the hard pavement. He had gotten used to his thick combat boots so ever the toughest trainer seemed flimsy on his feet, every now and then he would glance at the watch which sat upon his wrist. It had been a birthday present from one of his troop friends, when he had received it he had tried to argue that it was too much but he had been quickly shut up and chose to just look upon the gift with fond eyes. All of a sudden he felt his body slamming into soft and was just about to demand them to watch where they were going when he heard a soft voice that was eerily familiar. He lifted his head and stared at his fiance, well his ex fiance. "Kurt? What are you doing around here?"

Kurt smiled brightly at him, forgetting for a moment about his face. "I'm meeting Rachel at the bar," he said as he put his hand out. It had been too long since he had seen him. In fact he had been the only person not to come see him from Glee club. He knew all about his service and understood why he didn't come. "You live in New York?"

Sam hesitated for a split second before accepting the hand that was held out for him, he grasped Kurt's fingers in his own and relished in the soft texture of his skin against Sam's weather worn fingers. He may have held on for longer than necessary but after quickly but firmly shaking his hand Sam released him. He shuffled from one foot to the other, a injury that he had sustained to his knee which still bothered him but only slightly. "Yea, I um..moved here about a year or so ago, I work in that little coffee shop you just passed." He nodded his head in the general direction of where Kurt had just come from. As he stood in front of Kurt for the first time in over a year all he wanted to do was take Kurt into his arms and run his fingers over his skin.

Kurt turned to look at the shop, smiling softly. He couldn't believe that Sam was there and he hadn't seen him before. "I've been to this place," he said before turning back to Sam. He knew the light was catching his scars but he didn't care. He assumed Sam knew already. "I'm surprised I didn't see you." He gave him a bright smile. "Though that should change now."

Sam frowned softly at that, he had never seen Kurt in the shop but put it down to Kurt probably went in when he wasn't working since he tended to do more later shifts. "It is a pretty nice place to work, pays the bills you know." He shrugged his shoulders and shifted his gaze to his feet before freezing, a part of him was jumping for joy at the fact that he would probably be able to see Kurt more now but the other wasn't sure his heart could take seeing that much of him and not having Kurt remember their love. "Yea...I'm...um pretty busy you know but if you pop into the shop I guess...um yea."

Kurt nodded his head, big smile on his face. "Of course I will. You know how I am with my coffee. I trust you to make it correctly for me." He looked at his phone, giving it over to Sam. "Call yourself and text me the next time you're working. I'll be sure to stop by."

Sam nodded his head and took the phone in his hands, he quickly called his own phone which beeped in his pocket. Once his number was saved he handed the phone back over to Kurt and gave him a warm smile, even though he was shocked to see him didn't mean that he didn't enjoy their small chat it just made him want to try harder to help Kurt regain his memories. "I better get going, I'll text you." With a farewell nod and a wave, he wouldn't allow himself a hug not yet. Sam stepped around Kurt and headed off in the direction of the coffee shop.

Kurt watched as Sam left, smile on his face. It had been nice to see him and he couldn't help but notice the pull in his chest. He wanted to see Sam again. And he wanted to soon. He hoped to get a text soon. There was something else there...and he needed to figure it out.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt smiled as he walked into the coffee shop. It had been a few days since he ran into Sam and he was happy to get a text from him saying that he was working. He saw him behind the counter and smiled, fixing his vest as he walked towards him. "Hey," he said with a smile. Sam was just finishing up serving another customer when the door opened and Kurt stepped in, Sam took a deep breath as he took in how absolutely breathtaking Kurt looked at that moment even with the scars. He would always think that Kurt was beautiful, he straightened his posture and sent Kurt a charming smile. "Hey, what can I get you it's on the house." His manager was one of the few people in his life that he truly trusted and he found himself one night crying his heart out into William's chest, when he had told his boss about meeting Kurt he told Sam to allow Kurt a drink on the house.

Kurt shook his head, pulling out his wallet and smiled at Sam. "I won't let you do that," he said as he looked over the menu board. "How about a pumpkin latte? Non fat, please." Sam would not take no for an answer but went about making Kurt's drink in silence, he handed it over but kept his hand closed to show that he wasn't going to accept payment. "Instead of paying me why don't we go and sit in that corner over there and catch up, I go on my break in five minutes." He nodded his head towards the corner of the shop where the armchair's lay.

Kurt looked over where Sam had indicated and smiled, nodding his head immediately. "I'd love that," he said before slipping the ten dollar bill into the tip jar. "I'll be over there."

Sam shook his head with a light laugh as he watched the money fall into the tip jar, he was still as generous as ever. For a split second he felt his heart ache as he watched Kurt making his way towards the seats but quickly pushed that away, that was all in the past and now they had a chance at the new beginning hopefully together. After serving two more customer's, Sam slipped into the back so that he could throw his apron onto the staff table before making his way back out into the shop, it was pretty quiet which he truly appreciated. Sam moved towards the seats and sank down into the soft cushions, releasing a soft sigh as he got comfy.

Kurt put his phone down, smiling at Sam as he sat down. He was still as cute as he remembered him and he was sad he was just now running into him. "Hey, you." Sam clasped his hands in his lap as he gazed over at Kurt, apart from the obvious signs of injury Kurt did not look that much different as he did the last time that he saw him. "Hey, so how have you been?"

Kurt looked down at the table, trying to hide the uncomfortable look Sam had given him. He smiled softly before taking a sip. "I've been okay," he said, gesturing to his face. "Besides this of course."

Sam tilted his head to the side and gave Kurt a soft smile. "Well I think you look wonderful, the scars just make you look rugged and sexy." He lifted one of his arms in a shrug before turning his gaze to the people who were dotted around the shop. Kurt blushed as he looked over at Sam, biting his lip. "Sexy?"

Sam turned back to Kurt and settled his hands on the table in front of him. "Mhm, your a gorgeous man Kurt. Nothing is going to change that." As he spoke he had the sudden urge to reach over and run a finger over one of Kurt's scars but refrained as he did not want to scare off, he was pushing it with the comments.

Kurt chuckled as he looked down at the table, smile on his face. "I don't think anyone has called me gorgeous in a year," he said quietly. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes on his clasped hands. "I'm just telling the truth and if others can not see what I can then it is there loss," he shook himself from his reverie and ran a hand through his hair.

Kurt looked at him with awe in his eyes. It had been a long time since anyone had commented on his scar in a positive way, even longer since he actually felt like they were telling the truth. "Thank you." Sam glanced up and allowed a soft smile to cross his lips, he felt like he was in another world right now. Here they were having coffee just like they used to do in the old days before Kurt's accident, it felt very surreal as if no time had passed but in reality that was very untrue. Everything had changed, but change was good right?

Kurt blushed even more at Sam's smile, looking back down at the table. He felt that pull again. That pull that wanted him to kiss Sam, to smile at him and hold him. It must have been his old crush coming back. "So tell me about you. You were in the army, right?"

Sam nodded his head and cleared his throat. "For three years, yes," Sam did not really speak about his service in the war but he thought what the heck it couldn't hurt. "Best and worst decision I have ever made in certain aspects but I did learn a lot plus I am alive so that is a bonus." Kurt nodded his head, shooting him a smile. "I'm so glad you are," he said with a smile. "You're so brave for doing that. Nobody had your address or else I would have written you. Or well...Rachel would have written it down while I spoke. I'm afraid my writing still isn't that great."

Sam felt warmth spread through his body at Kurt's smile, it always made him go weak in the knees and have butterflies erupt in his belly. "I would have loved to have heard from you but I probably wouldn't have been a very good pen pal, I was going through some stuff at the time which made writing very difficult." He knew that he was being vague but he couldn't honestly tell Kurt that he was the reason for Sam's temperament during those last months.

"I hope whatever it is," he said with a smile. "It's okay now. I'd hate for you to be going through something. This worlds crappy enough." He took another sip of his drink. "So why New York?" Sam stared down at his hands for a few moments as he tried to collect himself without alerting Kurt to the fact that his words had affected him so as no everything was not okay. He shrugged his shoulders in a vague manor, "I needed a change of scenary and a fresh start so where better than the big apple?"

Kurt nodded his head, bright smile on his face. "I understand that. After the accident, I went back to Lima for a while and when I got back here, it was new all over again." He looked over at Sam. He might not know everything. "I seemed to have lost a few years of my memories. Thanks to a semi falling asleep." He let his hand move over the one scar on his cheek. "As you can see, I had some pretty terrible injuries."

Sam glanced at the clock the second Kurt mentioned his memory loss, he could not deal with this right now it was all too much. He wasn't ready but could not understand why. Ever since Kurt's accident Sam had been suppressing his pain and suffering but now as he was confronted with it, it was almost too hard to bear. His fingers twitched on the table for a moment before he allowed himself to give in and run his finger over Kurt's scar.

Kurt held his breath as Sam's finger moved over his scar, not able to move. He never let people who weren't his doctor touch them, but he couldn't move. "And this is after a lot of surgery," he said quietly. "It's why I can't really smile on my left side." Sam allowed his finger to hang there for a moment before dropping his hand to the floor, he had no words. Kurt was breathtaking in every sense of the word, he just hoped that his eyes showed Kurt was he was really thinking.

Kurt looked at the cup, trying to fight back the tears. "They aren't my only ones either." He pushed he sleeve up, showing the burn scars on his arm and hand. "It's a bit ironic, really. I used to love my skin. I took care of it religiously. And in a few moments, I lost it all." Sam shuffled closer to Kurt so that their arms could brush. "You are still here and that is all that matters, god Kurt when I heard about the accident I was so scared," he turned his head away so that he could discreetly wipe at his eyes.

Kurt looked at him, eyes wide. "You...you were?" He had been friends with Sam, sure. He did live with him his senior year. But he didn't know he cared that much. Sam nodded his head and kept his face turned away from Kurt's, he couldn't let himself slip not now. Not after everything, he took a breath and turned back to Kurt with a shaky smile on his face. "Even though you didn't really know it, you meant a lot to me Kurt."

Kurt leaned over and put his hand on Sam's knee, his own eyes damp. "That's so sweet of you to say," he whispered. "That's...thank you." Sam glanced down at the hand which was sat on his knee for a second before covering it with his own larger and more rougher hand, he gave it a slight squeeze but did not release his fingers. He was enjoying being around Kurt, sure he missed being able to hold Kurt and kiss him but most of all he missed their chats. Where they would stay up for hours on end and just talk about nothing in particular.

Kurt smiled brightly at him, turning his hand to hold Sam's lightly. "I didn't know you cared that much, Sam Evans." He giggled softly. Sam shrugged his shoulders and let out a soft chuckle as if laughing at a joke that only he knew. "You have a way of sticking with a person Kurt, even when they are not around you all of the time." He unconsciously began to stroke the back of Kurt's hand with the pad of his thumb. "Besides, everyone needs someone to care about them."

Kurt smiled as he nodded his head, looking at Sam with bright eyes. "That's sweet of you to say. And so true." Sam gulped slightly and felt his entire body freeze, he did not know what to do. He wanted to kiss Kurt so bad but he also did not want to scare him off. Kurt sat back in his chair, hand still tangled with Sam's. He didn't even feel awkward, rather natural. "I'm glad I ran into you."

"I'm glad I ran into you too Kurt, we should do this again sometime I really enjoyed catching up with you." Even though on the outside he looked cool and collected inside was like a whirlwind, he felt like a teenage boy again.

Kurt nodded his head, smiling over at him. "How about I cook you dinner? Luckily I never lost that." Sam nodded his head in confirmation. "That sounds lovely, I haven't had a home cooked dinner in ages. I have the skills just not the equipment or the time."

"Then lets make it a weekly thing," he said with a bright smile. "And that will work out because I cook way too much. You can take stuff home." Sam grinned and threw his arm over Kurt's shoulders and gave them a light squeeze before he retracted his arm. "Sounds like a plan Mr Hummel, I think I will have to start going to the gym more if you are going to be feeding me like that."

Kurt shook his head. "You used to eat my cooking every night and you were just fine." Sam stuck out his bottom lip in a mock pout. "Yea, but that was when I was young and able to work off the calories in just a few hours a week, now I have to work twice as hard. I am not as young as I used to be you know."

Kurt chuckled as he let his eyes wander over Sam. "I'm sure you're just as fine as you always have been." Sam patted his toned belly and shrugged his shoulders before turning puppy dog eyes on Kurt. Kurt swatted his arm, smiling up at him. "You're fine. Now hush and say you can come eat." Sam chuckled and nudged his arm against Kurt's. "Yes Kurt, I would love to come and eat. So long as the food and company are good then I am there."

Kurt smiled before looking at him, nodding his head. "Good. Thursday nights?" Sam nodded his head as he leaned back against the chair. "Text me your address and I shall be there." Kurt nodded his head, pulling out his phone and texting him. "There. Now I know you got it." Sam felt his phone buzz in his pocket and instantly knew that he had received the message. "Well I better get back to work, I'll see you Thursday." Kurt nodded his head, squeezing his hand. "Okay. I'll see you on Thursday. Any requests?"

"Surprise me, you always do."


	4. Chapter 4

Sam had been throwing clothes around his apartment for an hour time, he just couldn't seem to find the right outfit for his and Kurt's dinner. He wanted causal but did not want to wear jeans but he didn't want to look to posh and pressed either as that just wasn't him. He groaned and ran a frustrated hand through his hair, he needed to pick something and soon as he was meeting Kurt at his house in less than an hour. He grabbed some freshly ironed long capri pants which were black and a blue buttoned down shirt and rushed out of the door.

Kurt checked on the roast in the oven, smiling softly. He had on a pair of black jeans and purple button up,sleeves pushed up. He was excited to have Sam come over. It had been too long since he had someone to cook for and it felt nice. He moved back over to the table, putting the salads out on the set table. He had told his friend seven and looked at the clock, noticing there was a few minutes left. Sam jumped off of the bus at his stop before turning to the left and headed down the street, he had a few minutes left. It was only a short walk towards Kurt's apartment building and before he knew it he was stood in front of his friends door. He ran a hand through his hair once more to make sure that it looked okay before reaching up his hand and knocked twice on the door.

Kurt smiled as he heard the knock at the door, going over to open it. "Hey," he said with a bright smile, holding the door open for him. "I'm glad you found the place." Sam grinned happily and stepped through the door, he took a moment to glance around the place before releasing a low whistle. "Nice place you got here Kurt, it makes my place look like a dump." He chuckled before turning back to his friend and held his arms open for a hug, they were friends after all so he had every right to be able to hug him.

Kurt smiled before hugging him tightly. "Is it weird to say I missed you?" It was true. It seemed the moment he left the coffee shop, he missed his old friend. "That's weird, isn't it?" Sam wrapped both of his arms around Kurt holding him tight for a moment before allowing his arms to loosen so that Kurt could slip out if he wanted to. "Of course not, I missed you too," he released a soft laugh and shook his head. "Kurt, dude it's not weird okay?"

Kurt looked up at him, arms still around Sam. "Good," he said softly, small smile still on his face. "I made a roast for dinner. I hope that's good." Sam licked his lips in a comical manner and sent Kurt a grin. "Dude, it's food that you made of course it is good." He dropped his arms from around Kurt and turned his head towards the kitchen. "Lead the way chef."

Kurt looked as Sam turned away, suddenly colder. He wasn't sure why he was. It was just Sam. "Take a seat," he said as he pointed to the table. "I'll get everything out here for you." Sam shook his head. "No, no, no. I may be your guest but you have been working hard to make me dinner and I shall help you bring it in." He crossed his arms and fixed Kurt with a look. "No arguments."

Kurt gave Sam one of his glares, shaking his head. "Nope. You sit down and let me play host. It's been too long since I have," Sam held his look for about five seconds before conceding with a mock defeated sigh, he purposely stuck out his bottom lip slightly as he made his way to the table and sat down on one of the chairs.

Kurt chuckled before going into the kitchen, putting the mashed potatoes and rolls on the table. He came back in with butter and the water pitcher before checking on the roast again. "What would you like to drink? I have beer and wine." Sam raised his head as Kurt re entered the room. "Hmm, could I have some beer please?" Over the years he had developed quite a taste for it but found that he needed to watch how much he drunk because he was quite the lightweight.

Kurt nodded his head, smiling as he brought him a bottle. He finally brought the roast in, setting it on the table before starting to slice it. After only a few cuts the knife fell to the floor, Kurt cursing softly. "Sorry," he said quietly. "I...well sometimes my nerves don't like to talk and I drop things." He leaned down and picked up the knife. It took him a few tries but he finally managed to put it in the sink. Sam watched with a heavy heart as Kurt struggled. "Would you like a hand? I don't mind."

Kurt shook his head, leaning down to clean up all the places he had dropped the knife. "I'll be okay. You can have the pieces I cut. I'll just eat my salad and potatoes." Sam sighed softly and shook his head, Kurt was so stubborn sometimes but that was another thing he had always loved about the brunette. "If your sure." He picked up his knife and fork and began to eat some of his salad.

Kurt nodded his head, sitting down and trying to get his hands to stop shaking. He couldn't believe it was this bad right now. The doctors couldn't explain it and he hated that there was nothing he could do. He felt tears in his eyes and he stood up. "Excuse me for a moment," he said quietly, moving to the bathroom to try and pull himself together. Sam allowed Kurt to have a few minutes to himself before he pushed himself to his feet and walked towards the bathroom door, he knocked twice and waited patiently. "Kurt? Is everything okay? Come and talk me to." He rested his hip against the wall besides the bathroom and crossed his arms. "Kurt...come on...please?"

Kurt wiped his eyes, looking in the mirror. All the could see were the angry lines that covered his face. It had been hard the past two years, harder than he liked to admit. But this time, there wasn't a group of people behind him, no Lima to escape from. He heard Sam knock and quickly wiped his eyes, putting eye drops in them to take away the redness. He stepped outside the bathroom and smiled at him. "I'm fine," he said softly. "Just got some of the juice from the roast on my pants." Sam tilted his head to the side as he took in Kurt's face. "Kurt, please don't lie to me."

Kurt smiled softly, patting his arm. "I'm fine," he said once more before walking back to the dining room. Sam sighed as he watched Kurt go, he needed to get Kurt to talk about his accident as it was obviously still bothering him. "Your a really bad lier but I'll take it for now, you know you can talk to me right?" He followed Kurt back into the dining room and sat on his chair once more.

Kurt smiled over at him, taking a sip of his water, hand only shaking a bit now. "I'm not lying," he said calmly. "I'm fine." Sam gave a small smile that did not reach his eyes and turned back to his food. Kurt took a few bites of his salad, looking over at Sam every few moments. "So how have you been since I last saw you? Work okay?" Sam shrugged his shoulder as he nibbled on a piece of carrott. "Some woman wouldn't stop flirting with me today, kept reaching over the counter to keep feelings up my arms. What is it with women and arms?"

Kurt felt a flair of jealousy at Sam's words, gripping the fork harder. He had no idea why. Something in the back of his mind was screaming. Maybe it was carry over from wanting to keep his friends safe in high school. "Not just girls, I'm afraid." Sam raised a singular eyebrow as he glanced at Kurt's fork, he quickly shook it off and glanced down at his plate. "It was kinda nice you know?" He glanced up so that he could see Kurt's face. "Not that particular person but it was flattering, I haven't had that in a while."

Kurt swallowed and straightened up a bit, trying to calm himself down. "Well people in this city need to pay attention more." Sam shrugged his shoulders as he fiddled with his fork which held a piece of potato on the end. "They see what's there, I'm not much to look at; I used to be but not anymore.

Kurt shook his head. "Sam Evans," he said, eyes serious. "Hush right now. You're still as gorgeous as you were in high school." Sam lifted his his which had begun to sparkle slightly. "And so are you, you are even more amazing now than you have ever been."

Kurt looked at his plate, blush on his cheeks. "I...now we both know that's not true." Sam titlted his head to the side as he watched Kurt. "I will have to disagree with you, I never tell a lie someone even told me that my face was not built for lying." He chuckled softly and shook his head, "I mean it Kurt." Kurt kept his gaze on is plate, his cheeks even more red. "Thank you," he whispered. Sam grinned as he watched Kurt flush, he always used to love it when Kurt flushed when they were together. "Kurt, are you blushing?"

Kurt chucked his napkin at him, shaking his head. "Hush, you. It's...it's been a long time since someone called me gorgeous." Sam caught the napkin in his hand and chuckled softly, happy that they could still banter so easily. "Probably because they knew that you were too good for them and didn't want to make themselves look like idiots." Kurt shook his head, still not meeting Sam's gaze. "Or they couldn't find anything gorgeous about the freak." Sam sighed and stood up from his chair, he made his way around to the otherside so that he could kneel beside Kurt's chair. "You are not a freak and I never want to hear you say those words again."

Kurt looked at him, eyes wet with tears. "You...you and I both know it's true," he said quietly. "All people ever see are the scars. They forget that I'm an actual person. Sam took Kurt into his arms. "Well I don't, those scars are apart of you. It shows that you have been through something traumatic and lived, if all they can see is your apperance they are not worth your time."

Kurt couldn't help but curl into Sam, his head tucked in his neck. "I just...I hate all the looks. All the people talking." Sam began to rock Kurt gently as he held him in his arms. "I know, but they don't matter alright they are just shallow. They don't know you like I do." Kurt wasn't sure why he felt so comfortable with Sam. It had been years since he saw him but he felt safe, cared for. "Thank you," he whispered.

Sam began to run a hand up and down Kurt's spine in a comforting manor. "No problem dude, I told you that you can tell me anything." Kurt nodded his head, staying close to Sam. "I...still. The only person I really talk to is Rachel."

"Well now you have me as well." He gently released Kurt from his arms and gave him a smile.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a week since he had been over at Kurt's and his life had carried on as usual, he worked in the coffee shop and saw Kurt every other day. But he knew that life was getting complicated as his feelings for Kurt were growing more and more. He wasn't blind though, he had seen some of the appreciative glances some of the other people had been giving his little brunette and he could hardly blame them as Kurt was gorgeous. There was one thing however that was affecting him, he had begun to drink again quite heavily. Before meeting Kurt he liked to have a drink maybe a couple times a week but that stopped as soon as he and Kurt got together as he had wanted to be a better person but now he didn't really see the point and he needed a drink. He glanced at the clock that was on his wall and saw that it was two in the afternoon, luckily he did not have work today so he didn't have to worry about turning up to work drunk. Cans and bottles littered the table and the sofa but who cared really? No one was going to see him like this, especially not Kurt.

Kurt had been worried about Sam for the past few days. They had seen a lot of each other and it was nice. He had to admit that he had missed him and he was happy to see him. But it was clear he was drinking before and it wasn't something he could keep ignoring. He had asked Sam's manager where he lived, stating he had left his phone at his apartment the night before. She believed him, seeing him a few time already with him. He walked to the apartment, heart sinking as he saw how he lived. He knocked on the door and waited.

Sam tried to ignored the loud noise which rang through the small apartment, he lifted a pillow and placed it over his head to try and muffle out the noise but it just wouldn't stop. With a grunt and a groan, Sam pushed himself to his feet and stumbled over to the door. He reached out and hand and twisted the door knob, ready to shout at whoever it was that was on the other side and he hoped to god it wasn't that bloody sales woman again because Sam was about to throw those pamphlets on the floor the next time he saw her. He swung the door open and opened his mouth ready with a insult. "What the bloo...oh..Kurt." For a second he was stumped, he turned his head to the mess and sighed knowing that there was no way out. He held the door open in invitation for Kurt to come in before grabbing an unfinished can and drained it.

Kurt jumped a bit when Sam opened the door, not expecting him to be there. "Hi," he said softly before walking in. It was worse than he thought. His heart dropped as he took in the small area. What made it even worse was Sam drinking at this moment. "This...this is a nice place you have here."

Sam snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yea, it's a regular palace," he picked up another can and opened it, the sound of the snap of the clasp opening rang out through the apartment and caused Sam to run his fingers through his hair in irritation. "What do you want Kurt." He kept his back to Kurt the entire time.c

Kurt sighed softly, looking at Sam's back. "I...I wanted to talk," he said as he looked around. "But I don't..." He trailed off. How could he confront him when it was clear his problem was bigger than both of them? "Can you put that down please?"

Sam heaved a sigh and threw the can onto the floor before turning towards Kurt, he had a feeling where this was going but he honestly couldn't care. Not even Kurt could stop him now, not with the way things were. He didn't want to live in pain anymore so he turned to drink and he was not going to give that up.

Kurt walked over to him and hugged him close, arms tight around him. "Stop this," he said quietly, voice breaking. "Please, Sam. I can't...this isn't you. This could never be you."

Sam turned his head to the side and left his arms limp at his sides. "How do you know Kurt...you don't know, so please just stop." He pulled away from Kurt and walked towards the wall and rested the palm of his hands against the concrete. Kurt could never know the real him because he didn't remember him, he didn't remember what Sam was like when they were happy. "I can't...I can't do this...I'm sorry." Without another word he tried to make a run for the bathroom.

Kurt grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards him. He was crying now, his whole body shaking as he brought his friend close. "Stop," he said again. "I do know. I know you. You and I both know I do. It's why that tugging is there in my stomach when I don't see you. Just..." He looked at him and bit his lip. "Don't leave."

Sam closed his eyes and allowed the tears to roll down his face, he clung to Kurt's smaller frame as he sobbed into Kurt's shoulder. His sobs were filled with months of pain and anger that he had been experiencing. "Why are you doing this?"

Kurt held Sam as tight as he could, kissing his temple. "Because you deserve much more than this," he said quietly. "You deserve love, you deserve hope. You deserve making everything okay."

Sam wanted to believe everything that Kurt was saying, he wanted to believe that everything was going to be alright. "Thanks." He lifted his head and wiped his eyes as well as his nose before taking a step back. "Someone could do so much better than me...but I'll try."

Kurt wiped his tears with his thumb, cupping Sam's cheek. "You're wonderful. Anyone would be so, so, lucky to have you." Sam closed his eyes and leaned into the hand on his cheek. "The same can be said for you," he gave a watery smile and cleared his throat.

Kurt kissed his cheek, small smile on his face. "This isn't about me right now," he said quietly. "Now go take a shower while I clean up, okay?" Sam rolled his eyes, "yes mum." With a small laugh, Sam darted into the bathroom and jumped straight into the shower. Kurt rolled his eyes playfully, moving to the kitchen and starting to throw everything away.

Sam quickly washed his hair and thoroughly washed his body before stepping out and drying off with a clean towel, he grabbed some clothes off of the dryer which was in the bathroom and got dressed before stepping out into the living room again. He let out a whistle before walking into the kitchen. "You've been busy." Kurt smiled at him, bagging up the last of the few cans. "Hi," he said with a smile. "I told you I'd clean up, didn't I?"

Sam nodded his head and looked around the room, it looked nothing like how he had left it and for once he was glad. "I'm sorry for earlier...things have been, well tough and I didn't know how else to cope." Kurt put the bag down and sat on the sofa, patting the spot next to him. Sam moved so that he was sat beside Kurt, he kept his eyes on his hands which were clasped in front of him.

Kurt smiled softly at him, taking one of his hands and trying to keep his eyes off of Sam's still very impressive chest. "You've got me now," he said with a smile. "No matter what time or anything. I'll be your booze." Sam glanced down at their clasped hands and released a sigh, he was fighting off a smile which was growing at the corners of his mouth. "Kurt..I...thank you." He honestly didn't know what else to say.

Kurt nodded his head, smiling softly. "You're welcome. And I mean it, okay? Anytime." Sam reached over and kissed Kurt on the cheek. "Seriously, you don't know how much this means to me." Kurt blushed as he hit Sam's chest, letting his hand linger a second too long. Sam cleared his throat as he glanced at Kurt, he knew he should pull away but something inside him was keeping him there.

Kurt let his hand move to his hip, head moving to Sam's shoulder. He could do this. It was all innocent. "I care about you," he said softly. Sam leaned against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. "That's all I need." Kurt hummed softly, now leaning against his chest. "Do you want me to stay here? Or we could go back to my place."

"Could we go to yours? I really don't want to be here right now." Kurt nodded his head. "You have to put a shirt on then," he said softly. Sam stuck out his bottom lip in a small pout before releasing a sigh and pushed himself to his feet, he walked into his room and grabbed a t-shirt before going back to Kurt.

Kurt looked at him before standing up. "You can take it off at my place. I won't mind." Sam raised a single eyebrow but instead of commenting just nodded his head. He walked to the door and opened it before stepping out into the cool afternoon air. Kurt linked arms with Sam as he walked them back to his place, moving into the living room and shooting him a smile. "Make yourself comfortable. I'll make us some tea."

Sam nodded his head and made his way towards the sofa, he released a soft sigh as he sank into the plush material and closed his eyes. Kurt made them some tea and a few sandwiches, moving back into the living room. "Eat up. I can make more if you'd like."

Sam cracked his eye open and glanced at the food and the tea. "Dude, your an angel. Truly," he took one sandwich and his cup of tea and began to nibble. He didn't want to tell Kurt that he hadn't eaten since they last met. Kurt patted his knee as he took some tea, sitting back on the sofa. Sam ate in silence, the only thing breaking the noise was the slight slurp he made when he drank his tea. "It's not my tea but it will do." The tone of his joke was joking as he sent a wink Kurt's way. "Can I take off my shirt now? It's really warm."

Kurt nodded his head, taking another sip as he watched Sam. Sam placed his cup on the table before gripping the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off in one motion. Kurt couldn't help but look, his hand itching to reach out and touch. Sam leaned against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. "You can touch you know, besides it always calms me when someone is stroking my stomach."

Kurt bit his lip as his hand carefully moved to the middle of his chest. "Yeah?" Sam nodded his head and bit his lip. His hips shifted slightly before he relaxed against the sofa again. Kurt let his fingers move over his chest and stomach, humming softly.

Sam turned his head and cracked open one eye. He watched as Kurt moved his fingers over his chest with a small smile upon his face. "That feels nice."

"It's been a while," he said quietly. "Since I got a chance to do this."

"Fell free to do it to me all you want, your my alcohol and I'm your snuggle buddie if you want to call it that." Kurt chuckled as he put his hand on Sam's shoulder. "You always did like touch."

Sam nodded his head and turned his eyes to Kurt again. "There isn't anything better." Kurt nodded his head, small smile on his face. "The last person to touch me other than Rachel was this guy two years ago," he said softly. "He was grossed out by my stomach and left."

Sam reached out and took Kurt's hand into his own. "Well, he was an idiot. Your a gorgeous man Kurt, there is so much more to you and one day a guy will come along and he will make everything better." The words felt bitter as they came from his mouth, he wanted to be that guy but was beginning to see that he couldn't. Kurt shook his head, lifting his shirt to show Sam the scar. It was still hard for him to handle. The mark was purple and raised, almost looking like it was fresh. "Not with this."

Sam shifted closer and rested his palm against the scar. "This, this just makes you even more beautiful. It shows how strong you are and how far you have come, scars show the pain we have endured but also the triumphs we have created."

"Or grosses people out," he said softly, pulling his shirt back down. Sam sighed and grabbed Kurt's arms and forced Kurt to look at him. "Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, you listen to me when I say this. Your scars are beautiful and so are you, are they grossing me out? No. Do you know why? It's because I know how amazing you are."

"Sam," he said softly, turning his head. Sam puffed out a puff of air through his lips. "Kurt, I'm serious." Kurt pushed his shirt down. "Today is not about me. It's about you."

Sam sighed and nodded his head before pulling away from Kurt and sat on the other side of the sofa. "One day I'll show you," he whispered it more to himself than anything.


End file.
